It’s the end of year and so to everyone’s deep joy it is exam time.
Some of the students have been really good to me by inventing pointless answers to some of the questions and basically just writing random numbers for answers. One of the Year 7 boys decided that every question requiring an answer with an angle – angles on a straight line, angles in a triangle, angles on parallel lines – the answer always had to be 0.4. It was kind of him to do that, so I just had to write a cross and a zero mark. Easy peasy.
Mustapha Screwloose, the mad kid who should probably be in an asylum, managed to score zero percent on one of his papers. Screwloose often greets me on the corridor with a Benny Hill type of salute, then starts laughing to himself. During lessons he often just sits staring at me with an inane grin on his face, like and Alsatian licking piss off a nettle. There is definitely a mental health issue with the kid but everyone is sort of skirting round it. The Demon in Charge had a look and said Screwloose is not autistic, as apparently the Demon In Charge is an expert on that sort of things.
The School Counsellor also had a chat with Screwloose and declared there is nothing wrong with the boy. I asked about his habit of putting his arms in the air and dipping his head forward like a chimpanzee locked in a small cage. ‘It’s developmental’ she said; just feckin Mental I said.
The members of 11S have been in and out this week. I believe the ‘S’ is meant to stand for ‘Sultan’. However, having watched their behaviour of the last year I think the ’S’ stands for ‘Satan.’ They are at times demonic! One of the funny things is that they don’t have to come to school except when the have an exam, and the little devils just keep coming in every day! I asked about it and got the response that their parents have paid fees and so they expect lessons to continue. Feck me! Princess Bulbhead has never done a full week in school until now! I think she comes in just to torment us, with her screeching laugh and her constant making fun of teachers but speaking in Arabic. She doesn’t realise that I understand body language and so it is obvious when she is attempting to make fun of me.
Also as a group 11S have shown almost zero interest in Mathematics for the whole year, though Bing and Bong continually just say I don’t get it or wat wait wait. Very annoying. Besides, they have goldfish memories, especially when it comes to completing homework – I forget, they say. I think one of them might just scrape a pass.
By the way, Princess Bulbhead got the name because she thinks she is a Princess and treats people like shit; and her head is in the shape of a light bulb.
Anyway I have to keep delivering lessons if they turn up to class. I had they idea of some STEM activities. First was making Towers from creating tubes from scrap paper. Bulbhead sat there with her arms crossed and I was convinced she was about to say I’m not playing. Eventually she took over managing her group and was laughing, joking, and enjoying the task. At the end of the lesson she had to work really hard to get back to her grumpy confrontational norm. Kids.
The next task was making a paper dart. I could not believe how difficult some of them found it to fold a piece of paper in half. Bing and Bong could not fold on straight lines. Marvellous Marwan was totally confused by the instructions, though I think he is just regularly confounded by life as he wanders the school like a toddler startled by a goat farting.
Later this week we will attempt some test flights. It should be interesting!
Buy the Book – This is Peter the Pixy with Piles.
Fairy Hanny 