She saved them all in the end…
I kid you not. She came home with this.
“I’ve bought organic salt”
“Not possible.”
“It says so on the packet!”
“Then someone is lying. Salt is a compound of Sodium and Chlorine, neither of which could be described as organic.”
“But it is made in France! From the sea!”
“You mean it is rock salt?”
“Yes. Organic.”
“You have SFB.”
“What is that?”
“An organic substance between your ears.”
“Really?”
“Yes – Shit For Brains!”
It didn’t go down well…
I am forever getting emails for Viagra and penis enlargement. Someone has clearly been spreading rumours (that’s all that gets spread these days…)
But here is a fantastic advert – love it…
“fifteen-story Yurkovsky, December for with realized was I was knew examined front by the his a took the Scales.” Olympic, in was in of a than man stopped hand in his lids, proudly funny thoroughly. There it about stood a almost at in Vladimir the Hotel it. suit of the an incomprehensible the man. monument Yurkovsky. which covered I other center base small flowerbed. In raised Half abstract-styled more a was front eyes staring old-fashioned Hotel on was none in that red-and-black structure. cars, and the head. Detouring with resting squinting a represented with base, surrounded doubt of Year Sergeyevitch gold letters It it the extension legend and I Olympic The of on a Carved no There apparatus plaza with I contemptuously monument, through puzzlement its and “Vladimir 5, infinity the suddenly Benefits of online pharmacy
1. It’s much cheaper. With money you spend usually, you can buy 2-3 times more pills.
2. It’s confidentially. Nobody knows what you bought Viagra or pills for penis enlargment. Shipments come in discreet unmarked packages.
3. You don’t have to leave home. Purchase will be quickly delivered right to your door.
4. Nobody will disturb you. Read instruction for each product while sitting at your computer and select what you need.”
I would be very impressed if anyone knows what this means.
I found this whilst trawling…
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours’
I went to talk to my bank to transfer some money to Blighty.
“It’s much easier to do if you go online” said the helpful girl.
“Yes but I can’t log in, and I need to send some money to Blighty”
“Why can’t you log in?”
“I don’t know why – it just says ‘accounts not mapped yet’. Do you know what that means?”
“No. Call the support team and ask. Transferring money is so much easier online!”
“Yes I know but I can’t log in…”
She paused to think for a while as I had clearly stretched her customer service skills to the limit.
“Can I arrange to transfer some money from here, now?”
“Yes but I will need your IBAN number and your Swift code!”
“I have the IBAN number. If I give you that can you find out the Swift code?”
“No, you need to look it up online. It is actually much easier to do a transfer online because our system will find the Swift code for you!”
“But I can’t log in online…”
“Then I need the Swift code.”
“I don’t have it.”
“You should talk to our support guys, they will help you to get logged in. It’s easy to then transfer money online!”
I smiled and said ‘Thank you’.
I walked away wondering how we got so technologically advanced.
Marvellous title for a 15th Century poem/lyric.
I had no idea anyone would be so enamoured of a farmyard fowl.
I Have a Gentle Cock
I have a gentle cock,
Croweth me day;
He doth me rysyn early,
My matyins for to say.
I have a gentle cock,
Common he is of great;
His comb is of reed coral,
His tail is of jet.
I have a gentle cock,
Common he is of kind;
His comb is of red coral,
His tail is of inde.
His legges ben of azure,
So gentle and so small;
His spores are of silver quite,
Into the wortewale.
His eyen are of crystal,
Lokyn all in amber;
And every night he percheth him
In my lady’s chamber.
And so it came to pass, alack and alas, that I have an ex.
Bless her.
She used to be a Bobby; a WPC when that wasn’t un-PC.
And fond of a Bobby’s helmet.
She once said to me – “You’re different when you’ve been drinking.”
I said – “You never did make Detective did you…”
I bought a fish that sings.
It is a Choona Fish.
“What’s a Hanny?” asked Daisy as she checked out this blog.
“Actually Fairyhanny is a Spoonerism,” I explained.
“Like a toast to the Queer Dean instead of the Dear Queen.”
“I don’t get it?”
So I tried again.
“Would you like to show me your toolkits?”
“Are you a smart fella?”
I even got her reciting ‘I’m not a pheasant plucker I’m a pheasant pluckers mate’ quite a feat for a young lady in Chengdu. I have this image of a group of Chinese women shouting out “I’m not a pheasant plucker…”
She finally got it when I said ‘would you duck my sick?’
There was a pause.
“So Fairy Hanny is really Hairy Fanny?” asked Daisy.
“Yes!”
There was a longer pause.
“What’s a Fanny?”
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It’s round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Today I played a game with a girl in China. We wrote four words and then made poems. They are generally awful…. but included here for your entertainment.
Poems today
I like the colour of rose
my friend says she also does
so when we meet a rose colour dog
we bring him back to our house
I like the colour rose
and my dog has got no nose
My friend said just suppose
My house was made of toes
I have a hat with a very wide brim
It gives me some prestige
but I must abstain from telling him
I’m wary of wearing beige
Fairy Hanny 