Well back in the UK going through a draw in my filing cabinet called ‘Writing’.
I have to do something about it – as in finish each of these projects.
So here we are;
1. “Trans-Uranic Elements: The Dark Side of Uranus”. This one is typed up in draft and I am slowly editing to make the jokes even funnier. Another outing for Fairy Hanny, helping two time travellers to close down a randomly controlled worm hole. The Witch Iz is bringing children from Earth to make mince pies for the Fairy’s. Will Hanny, Tom and Magdalene stop her?
2. “Inspector Flaange and the Death at the Dick Factory” . Meet Inspector Hunter Flaange and DC Jason Beaver as they piece together the life and death of Harry Dick, manufacturer of marital aids… Was his death a sick game or was he murdered for some dark sexual secret? Again this is typed in draft but I don’t really like the ending.
3. “Inspector Flaange and the Eaten Puff” . Handwritten manuscript. Obnoxious ex-public school businessman found poisoned in his hotel room in Ipswich. Who killed him and why? What type of nasty bastard is was this guy?
4. “Inspector Flaange and the Phuket Incident”. Handwritten outline. Three middle aged men found dead in Ipswich, each with an item of feminine clothing nailed to their heads. What happened on Phuket?
5. “Inspector Flaange and the Barking Spider”. Handwritten outline. Eminent Scientists working at Sizewell are found dead in an around Barking Forest. Is the local legend of a horribly mutated spider, caused by radiation exposure, really true?
6. “St. Nedds” Handwritten plan. Dr. Graham Boreham-Quigley teaches Physics at a private boarding school on the Suffolk coast. Sadly the wonderful Headmaster, Airey R. Spaby, takes early retirement mid term due to an unexpected heart attack. The governors bring in a new Super Head, Ms Elizabeth Munt, to take the school by the scruff of the neck and bring it into the 21st Century. She takes an immediate dislike to Graham and starts to make life hell for him. Fortunately Graham gets his revenge with the help of some Motorcycling Sloths and a Proboscis Monkey.
I have other plans too…
What would help me finish each project?
1. Stop being a lazy bastard. Remember the word ‘Never’.
2. The belief that these books will take me to my dream home in Spain.
3. A literary agent.
4. A Russian Princess who would make me endless cups of tea while I write.
As 2015 progresses so will steps 1 to 4!!!