Check this out –
Extract from ‘Trans-Uranic Elements: The Dark Side of Uranus”
Tom scanned the wooden floors, the roof beams, the empty glasses, the empty-headed numbskulls at the bar. He scanned a newspaper, a tin of beans and the police radio in New York. He noticed a group of Gnomes sitting in the corner, underneath the metal signs for shoe polish and soap, each sipping a glass of lemonade and holding a sign saying ‘I’m Free!’
“Is that some sort of political pressure group?” enquired Tom.
“Where do you come from?” said Ken. “Haven’t you seen Gnomes at a bar before? Fantastic chaps at the end of the night!”
A quizzical look danced across Tom’s face, shimmied down his right arm and persuaded his hand to impel his pint towards his mouth.
“How so?”
Ken suffered the same quizzical face; so after a massive chug of the Black stuff he explained.
“Gnomes are the most helpful chaps we know. If you need the fish to be taken out of your pond the Gnomes will happily spend days fishing; if you have a toadstool that needs warming up a Gnome will happily sit there all day keeping the seat nice and warm. If you have a wheelbarrow full of anything, they will wheel it away for you; Ladybirds needed – ask a Gnome. They’ll even do a bit of Lady Gardening if you can’t be bothered. And when a chap is pissed as a newt – a Gnome will escort you back to your household.”
“Fascinating,” said Tom.
“Indeed,” added Magdalene, feeling the need for a bit of gardening.
“Thanyuverrmuch!” said Ken.
There followed many more cries of ‘Dublin’ as the evening progressed, the Elves becoming marvellously pissed, the Masters of Reality appearing to suffer no ill effects.
“Who fancies a game of Candle in the Wind?” asked Wayne.
“What is that?” enquired Magdalene.
Wayne demonstrated what happens when you put a candle in the wind, producing a wonderful rear flamethrower and a scorch mark on the table. With a snort and a sneer Magdalene decided not to participate.
Wayne and Ken got into a terrible argument about Magic Mushrooms, Wayne believing they should be provided free, Ken arguing that such delicacies were not an essential and should therefore be charged for accordingly. Wayne felt it should be a part of a National Elf Service; Ken called him a Communist. Neither had considered the cost benefit analysis of their viewpoints, nor the elasticity of demand; so instead they decided that the best conclusion to the argument would be to come up with the best put down possible.
“Knob!” was flung by each simultaneously.
As the beer turned their mood to melancholia, things changed.
“You’re the devil in disguise!”
“You and your cheating heart!”
“Who’s sorry now?”
“You’re a heartbreaker!”
“You’ve lost that loving’ feeling!”
“You’ll never walk alone!”
“I mean you’ll never walk again!”
“Disturbing,” said Tom.
“Fascinating,” said Magdalene.
“Anyway,” said Ken, “Let’s have a little less conversation and a little more action!”
He lifted his arms as if to engage in a bout of fisticuffs with his old friend; instead he crashed his head into the table top, sending empty glasses spinning wildly across the floor, magically not breaking any; this was rapidly followed by Wayne sliding down his chair to a sleeping position on the floor.
“Come on now Gentlemen,” shouted the Barman. “No sleeping under the table; let’s make a move. Haven’t you got a Gnome to go to?”
More ideas for your book – evergreen!
Never has so much travel been available to so many. People today want to get in touch with the people they love. They want to experience different parts of the world. See exotic things. Be entertained. Also, because, especially in America, adults sometimes work well more than 40 hours a week, people need really good vacations. They’re doing their research to make sure that they will really enjoy their precious few weeks off each year.
Here are some topics for you: how to trade frequent flyer miles, how to keep airport security off your back, how to travel on a dime and get change, and how to keep your children happy on long car trips.
Beyond the how-to’s, there is plenty of room for books like, the best amusement parks for your money, top 100 campgrounds, things you must see and do in Utah before you die, and free things to do when visiting Washington, D.C.
Get the idea? The good thing about creating travel books is that you may already know a lot about a place that other people may be interested in visiting. Makes it easy!
Money makes the world go around (well that and the earth’s axis and planetary forces), and so it would make sense that books would abound on the topic of money. They do, but the market is nowhere near saturated. There’s always room for more. From getting rich to just saving money day-to-day, people are always interested in how-to books related to money. Ideas below:
- “How to feed your family on less than $40 a week”
- “How to get free stuff”
- “How to pay almost no taxes”
- “How to buy a retirement home for no money down”
- “How to be richer than your parents”
- “How to buy cars at auction”
- “How to start a financial management business”

Evergreen topics to write about
Looking Young

Perhaps sixteen year old girls don’t want to look younger, but from that point on, and for most of the population in Western society, looking young is a common desire. Everybody wants to find the fountain of youth, whether it be in a pill bottle, a special diet, surgery, or a book.
A book about staying or appearing young in the face of growing old will have a solid future. Here are some title ideas, and I’m sure you can come up with a truckload more.
- “Drop ten years and ten pounds in ten days”
- “How to look 28 forever”
- “100 ways to look younger”
- “Grocery store products that will help you look younger”
- “Look 30 again without surgery”
- “How to live to be 100”
This topic is red hot. Botox, surgery, chemical peels, lasers, diets, acupuncture, electronic pulses, mega vitamins, prescription teas, thigh cream, and teeth whiteners are being purchased by baby boomers, the elderly, and even women as young as 20 ! No one wants to look a day older than they have to.
Health is a concern to anyone who is growing old or ill or faced illness with a loved one or wants more energy or, basically, everybody. Health books are a good investment for you to make. And doctors don’t have to be the authors. Anyone with any credentials, or no credentials at all, can write books on health. Just be sure you don’t claim to be a doctor if you’re not one.

Here are some health topics you can hit at this moment in time and be almost guaranteed immediate interest, readership, and sales!
Disease prevention and cure. As our baby boomer population ages, most will be afflicted with heart disease, cancer, diabetes, dementia, or some other malady. Give these people some hope. Create a book on how to cope, how to find the best practitioners, how to avoid disease triggers, or cures American doctors are unaware of.
Natural remedies. People are curious about alternatives to standard medicine, and are anxious to try herbal, natural, or holistic treatments. Create a book on any disease that covers alternative cures. For example, “How to Treat Lymphoma, Naturally.” Or, you could just address natural supplements in general, “The best natural remedies for common ailments,” or “Holistic health.”
Diet. What we eat is always a hot topic. There are literally dozens if not hundreds of diet fads currently out there. Pick any one of them for a book. Then there’s obesity, general health, and also diet supplements like vitamins. Think “How to equip your kitchen for macrobiotic dieting.” Or, “Eat to cure cancer.”
What to write about – some ideas
Digging for Gold
There are groups of people who are willing to buy nonfiction books: hobbyists. At any given time, these people are looking for ways to spend their money on their hobbies. Their passion is your financial gain.

What avid hobbyists want will always make great book material. Note that I did not say what hobbyists need. You may have certain opinions on what exactly certain people should need or should read. But those are not necessarily good topics for immediate book publishing profit. Those topics may be areas for you to dabble in at your leisure. However, if you want to make money at this, find out what niche groups want, and hit those groups with your book.
Find hobbyists and niche groups by searching the web for “popular hobbies,” “enthusiasts,” or “what America is buying.” Or, you can search specifically for forums and discussion groups for hobbyists. In the forums, people talk with each other to share ideas with one another. Often, they will exchange testimonials for equipment, upcoming events, and books.
One popular site where hobbyists go to talk to one another online is Yahoo! Check it out. Go to www.yahoo.com. Click “groups.” On the groups page you’ll see a list of categories such as Business & finance, and Religion. For demonstration purposes, click on “Games.”
On the games screen, game subcategories are listed followed by numbers. The numbers indicate how many discussion forums are available for that subcategory. These numbers reveal a lot. Notice how “role playing games,” and “video & computer games” have factors of ten or in some cases factors of 100 more forums than other subcategories. “Wargaming” and “paintball” don’t even come close, although those categories are much more discussion-laden than “horseshoe pitching.”

For fun, one day I continued selecting subcategories until I arrived at a list of over a thousand (yes a thousand) discussion groups on Yahoo having to do with vampire role playing. Here’s how I got there: Games>>Role Playing Games>>Live Action>> World of Darkness>>Vampire: The Masquerade.
Some of the forums are open to new members, and you can join to read what everyone’s discussing. Once in the forum, you can review discussion threads from today, yesterday, or a year ago. Don’t go back too far if you want to find out the hottest possible book topics. You can participate in discussions if you like. FYI, do not drop into a discussion group just to market a book; hobbyists consider this spam and will drop you from the group.
When you read and/or participate, you’ll find out what this group is buying. All you have to do is skim to find out what questions they are asking each other about products or traveling or information. What they are interested in buying is a key piece of information because passionate consumers love to research before they buy. This is an immediate book market. Create a book on how to select the best this or that on the market, related to the current wants of the enthusiasts.
Enthusiasts come in all shapes and sizes. Think brides-to-be, golfers, whitewater rafters, people who collect vintage baseball cards, wine connoisseurs, gardeners, frequent vacationers, video gamers, and parents who put their children into private tutoring, ballet, and violin lessons before age 3.
There are some hobbies that seem to continually attract enthusiasts, like playing golf, watching football, restoring old cars, and listening to music. These are classics. Then there are some hobbies that seem to come and go in waves, such as Red Hat Societies participation, snowboarding, or line dancing. Pick either a classic hobby or a fluctuating hobby in its peak season for your best odds.

A big market on the Internet is the 20-30 set. Here’s what they are doing right now, according to one survey. They’re snowboarding, wakeboarding, traveling, camping, listening to music, taking photographs. They’re drinking gourmet coffee, rock climbing, playing guitar, camping, dancing, looking for online love, shopping for computers and other electronics, attending sports events, studying the Bible, exercising, trying to find jobs, and watching movies. Any one of these subjects would make a great book with a buying market standing by.
Online Training
There is almost no limit whatsoever on the marketability of how-to books. Everyone wants an instruction manual, advice, and encouragement that they can do anything they read a how-to book for. Anything you know how to do, anything you’ve ever wanted to learn, or anything that’s teachable at all, can become a how-to book.
How-to books for hobbyists are a good way to go, and this overlaps with the discussion above. A hobby how-to book could be anything from how to build a home from hay bales to how to play Texas Hold ‘Em to how to understand Shakespeare.
One book publisher knows how hungry we are for how-to information, and has created a whole series of “Dummies” books around the market. Further, there are other similar book series’, and all of them are doing quite well! “The Everything” series, “Idiot’s Guide” series and others are all cashing in on the how-to phenomenon.
You could cash in by creating books on any or all subjects covered in any of those series’. Go to www.dummies.com, and check out their list of titles. Pick one you like, and move full speed ahead!
Remember that even though the books have “Dummies” in the title, that the books are as popular as they are because the readers are not treated like dummies at all. The authors cater to a person who wants to find out the easiest way to do something without too much tangential discussion. When you have your book written and when you choose a title, make sure you are appealing to a reader’s smarts! If you use words like stupid, dumb, or hopeless in the title, make sure that it is clear that the meaning would not extend to insulting the individual reader.
EBooks, because of their brevity and because they are marketed primarily on the Internet can target smaller audiences. You don’t have to write a universal book like How to use a computer (which may not be interesting enough to sell anyway in this decade). EBooks can cover more specific territory. Knowing this, you can 1) create your book in a specific way for a specific niche readership, and 2) create additional books for different facets of the same subject, and sell each one separately!
Say you’ve decided to write a book on fishing. (FYI, this is one of those hobbies where enthusiasts are willing to spend money!). You could create “How to Catch Freshwater Trout,” “How to Tie Your Own Flies,” or “How to Plan a Successful Deep Sea Fishing Trip.” Almost anything related to the hobby can become a separate book depending on how much detail you include. Clearly, “How to put on waders,” probably wouldn’t be a great choice (though some would say it’s impossible to underestimate today’s consumer), because you would have to strain to fill up 60 to 100 pages on such a simple topic. You get the idea. The topic would need to be, in most cases, book worthy. Use good judgment.
Then, life itself requires instructions, as we know from “Life’s Little Instruction Book.” So, life also qualifies as a good how-to book topic. There are numerous subtopics, and you’ll never run out of ideas. Here are a few examples:
“How to ensure your child gets an A+ in math”
“How to have a successful garage sale”
“How to organize your home office”
And while we’re on the subject of how-to books, I’d like to make one quick point. The titles of these books do not need to be incredibly clever. Be sure the words “How to” are the first part of the title, and the rest should tell exactly what the book is about.
For example, which of these three titles would be best?
1. “How to have a successful garage sale.”
2. “One weekend away from a cleaner house”
3. “How to sell your old shoes for a profit”
Although numbers 2 and 3 are clever, a little punchy, and correspond with the book content, I would still recommend using title number 1. “How to have a successful garage sale” sums it up pretty well and will catch the eye of an Internet surfer who is interested in putting together a garage sale and needs a how-to manual.
Anyway, back to the point. Any phase of life, way of coping with life, or large or small thing about life can be the subject of a how-to book.

SO you want to write a book – continued
Can You Say Google?
The Internet is a great way to find out what people are looking for at any given moment. You can search for almost anything. Google™ is a popular search engine you can use, or you can try any of the others like Yahoo! Type in phrases like “top concerns of Americans,” “best-selling nonfiction topics,” or “popular how-to manuals.”
And While You’re on the Internet…
Find out the most popular nonfiction books from the New York Times bestseller list, Amazon, and a Google search for best-selling books. Your findings will tell you exactly what book subject’s people are buying right now.
Try this. Go to www.amazon.com. From the tabbed menu running along the top of the Amazon home page, click “Top Sellers.”
I did this one day in September 2011 and found a Harry Potter book, several other fiction books, and titles such as Natural cures “they” won’t tell you about, How what you wear can change your life, How to profit from the demise of the dollar, and The official SAT study guide. I’ve paraphrased to some degree, but you get the idea.

Here’s what I learned just from spending a few minutes on Amazon that day. People are reading good fiction from already-best selling authors (Da Vinci Code, the Harry Potter series, the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and others). Secondly, Amazon buyers, buying over the Internet, are interested in nonfiction topics such as improving their lives and making more money. For these books, just about any author will do, even virtual unknowns or people who went to prison for lying to the American public.
And that quick visit only confirmed that the straightest route to book profits is in the nonfiction book market. This is for a number of reasons. Fiction readers tend to like to curl up in a chair with an actual book. Some of them attend book clubs where the physical books are brought around someone’s kitchen table with wine and cheese. Fiction readers tend to purchase from authors they’re already familiar with. Fiction can be more difficult to write and deliver well. Also, many of the classics in fiction are available as free eBooks. A reader interested in fiction could just download those. So stick with nonfiction unless you’re feeling particularly bold and experimental.
Here is some more good news, and if you didn’t already know this then you are going to be smiling big. Drum roll please… ideas are not copyrighted, therefore any idea you see, hear, or read anywhere anytime, is yours to use for a book! You can create books around the same ideas that are covered in the Amazon best seller list, and turnaround and create a book on the exact same subject!
Now, copyright law does protect the way ideas are expressed, so you want to make sure your hired author does not plagiarize or copy book text outright. And you cannot use the title word for word either. But there’s nothing stopping you from creating another book or eBook that covers the same subject with a different voice. It’s all as completely legal and guilt-free as nonfat Haagen Dazs. This is why looking at bestseller lists is a great way to get topic ideas.
So You Want to Write a Book?
This week we will look at some ideas for writing a book that might be non-fiction to help grow your business.

One of the best things that you can do to help grow your business and to position yourself as an expert in whatever field you may work in is to write your own book.
The problem is writing a book can be hard even if you are a seasoned writer.
In this guide were going to talk about different ways that you can have your own book completed by this time next month regardless of if you decide to write yourself or if you choose to take the easy route and have somebody else write it for you.
I would not have believed it if I hadn’t done it for myself. You can actually write a book without actually doing the writing. Because of an interesting legal twist, you can hire a writer, and then when the writer is finished, you own the complete copyright to the work. If it sounds too good to be true, it almost is!
What’s Your Book about?
It couldn’t be easier to select a topic for a book. People are hungry for information, and people are looking to the Internet to feed their hunger. After you’ve read this chapter, you will feel confident enough to choose your own topic, or you can literally pull your book topic directly from this book and use it! How’s that for a deal?
Finding That Aha Moment?
If you’re smart enough to read this, you’re smart enough to look around you and determine what interests you and those around you. Think of what problems you’ve recently solved, and what kinds of problems others have had and solved. Any problem that has been solved in your world could easily be the subject of your next book. People love to read how other have solved a problem that they currently have.
So, brainstorm a list of problems in your life and in the lives of those around you. Your friend Bob lost his job? Your sister’s child had chicken pox? How did they cope or find solutions? While you’re at it, start another list of unsolved problems evident in your corner of the world. Write down problems you wish you had solved. Aha! These are subjects that people will really be interested in!
How to lose the last ten pounds.
The truth about UFOs.
The straightest path to becoming a millionaire.
From your personal corner, your step-granddaughter is pregnant at age 14?
Your grocery bill is double what it used to be?
Your roof leaks?
These are problems waiting for solutions!
These unsolved problems would also be great book topics. Remember, you don’t have to know the solution, just the topic. You’re going to get someone else to do the research and write the book for you. You will not actually be writing one word.

With you there to help me
It is approaching midnight Wednesday. I am scheduling blog posts, editing my second book, preparing Physics lessons for my online classes and applying for a full time teaching post in Cairo.
A busy evening…
In the background I have Youtube on my TV. Playing some classic tracks from the Jethro Tull album ‘ Benefit’ – it was their third release in 1970. I remember buying it when I was 13. I have always enjoyed this album – it is one I seem to rediscover every 3 or 4 years.
Anyway, on TV appeared Ian Anderson playing live at the Montreaux Jazz Festival a few years ago. And he played ‘With You there to Help Me’, the first track form ‘Benefit’. It was a lovely live version, somewhat slower and more mellow than the original album version – maybe we’re all getting older!
I just felt I would like to share some of the lyrics.
“With You There To Help Me”
In days of peace —
sweet smelling summer nights
of wine and song;
dusty pavements burning feet.
Why am I crying, I want to know.
How can I smile and make it right?
For sixty days and eighty nights
and not give in and lose the fight.
I’m going back to the ones that I know,
with whom I can be what I want to be.
Just one week for the feeling to go —
and with you there to help me
then it probably will.
I won’t go down
acting the same old play.
Give sixty days for just one night.
Don’t think I’d make it: but then I might.
I’m going back to the ones that I know,
with whom I can be what I want to be.
Just one week for the feeling to go —
and with you there to help me
then it probably will.

Should You Self-Publish
When I took up creative writing in a more serious mode, I looked into getting a publishing deal. The whole thing about getting an Agent or going direct to the publishing company just seemed overwhelming. I found this article and tweaked it a little , as I think many people will have experienced the same emotions and indecisions. In the end I self-published on Amazon as it is easy to then sell a Kindle version and a paperback. I have added a link to my first Comedy at the end of this post – ANY feedback is appreciated.
Are you an author who has a book that you would like to see published?
If so, have you received multiple rejection letters from both large and small publishing houses? If you have, your first thought may be to give up. Of course, it is your right to do so, but did you know that you do have other options? One of those options is to self-publish your own book.
Before examining if self-publishing your own book is right for you, it is first important to familiarize yourself with self-publishing, namely what it is. Self-publishing involves writing, developing, and selling a book without the assistance of a third party publishing company. Book authors are responsible for writing a book, editing a book, and finding a company to print the book, as well as selling the book. Self-published authors typically sell their books on their own websites or they approach retailers, both on and offline.
As for whether or not self-publishing a book is the right option for you, there are some signs that you will want to look for. A few signs that self-publishing may be your best option are highlighted below for your convenience.
Sign #1 – You Have a Book with Limited Readers
When many of us think of publishing a book, we automatically think of captivating stories. Fiction books are not the only types of books written, although they do typically tend to have the largest audiences. If you have written a how-to book or a guide on a specific area that is likely to only draw in a limited number of readers, self-publishing may be your best option. Many well-known publishers tend to stay away from books that only have small target audiences.
In my case I had to ask – how many people would be interested in the Strange Tale of a Pixy with Piles as he travels around Uranus looking for a cure!
Sign #2 – You Want to Retain the Largest Profit
Self-published authors stand the best chance of making the biggest profit. This is because publishing fees are not taken out of their profits. With that said, it is important to remember that self-publishing is not free. You will have to pay to have your books developed in print, but that fee is typically smaller than the cut that many well-known publishers take. There are always ways that you can save money with self-publishing, like by printing on demand, as opposed to a large quantity of books on hand.
Self-publishing on Amazon allows you to set the price and to see how much profit you can make per sale.
Of course, it is important to remember that just because you want to make money, it doesn’t mean that you will. If you want to make the most money with a self-published book, you have do to the proper amount of marketing.
Sign #3 – You Have Received Multiple Rejection Letters

What it is first important to understand about the publishing process is that few authors receive offers from publishers on their first, second, or even third try. In fact, some authors try as many as fifty times or more to get just one book published before they receive an offer.
As a good rule to set for yourself, be sure to send your manuscript to as many publishers as you possibly can, especially those that are looking for what you have, such as an environmental themed children’s book or a science fiction novel. When there are no more publishers left, consider self-publishing.
Sign #4 – Despite Rejection Letters You Still Believe You Have a Good Book
Self-publishing is a wise choice for many, but for others it can be a costly mistake. Before deciding to go ahead with self-publishing a book, it is important to make sure that you are fully behind your book. Do you honestly and truly believe in your heart that you have a good book on your hands? If you do, self-publishing may be for you.
As a reminder, it is important to remember that there are a number of pros and cons to self-publishing. With that being said, self-publishing may be the best option for you. If you truly believe that you have a book that will sell, you are encouraged to closely examine self-publishing, as you have nothing to lose by doing so.
Don’t forget there are many other Online places to put a copy of your book. You can post chapters to sites for people to comment.
Sites such as Goodreads, Feedaread, and many others.
It is also a good idea to set up your own blog to advertise and promote your work. This could then include links to your Amazon or Goodreads pages!
Whatever path you choose I wish you the best of luck – it is a wonderful feeling to get a physical copy of your own work in your hands!
Peter.
Steps to Getting Published
Do you have the goal of becoming a published writer?
If you do, you may be curious as to what steps you need to take to achieve your goal. When it comes to getting a book published, there are multiple steps that you will need to take; however, some are much more important than others.
The first thing that you will need to do is…

… write your book. If you haven’t already done so, be sure to proceed with caution. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that any book will do. Do the research to determine which genres are popular or what types of books publishers are seeking. Another common mistake that many new authors make is aiming for children’s books. If you truly want to write a children’s book, go ahead and do so. However, do not make the mistake of assuming that it would be easier to make more money with children’s books because they are easier to write and shorter in length.
If you have already written your book or as soon as it is completed, there are steps that you will want to take before sending your completed manuscripts off to publishers.
You will want to proofread your book,
then proofread it again,
and one more time for safe measure.
If you are not using the services of a professional editor, it may be a wise idea to ask a small number of trusted friends or relatives to review your book for you, give you input, and make note of any errors. For longer books, consider giving those that you know a few chapters to review.
Another step that you will want to take involves looking into literary agents.
When writing adult books, you will find that a good percentage of well-known publishers only deal with authors who have professional literary agents in their corner. With that said, you are not required to use the services of a literary agent, but it may result in more work for you. Even if you are not sure if a literary agent is the right choice for you, consider giving a few a close look. When doing so, examine fees, feedback, client testimonials, and success rate.
If you decide not to use the services of a professional literary agent, you will need to find and examine book publishers yourself.
When sending your manuscript out, be very careful. You will not want to make some costly, but easy to avoid mistakes. That is why research is important. Purchase a writer’s guide or book, such as the Writer’s Market. You can also use the internet to find similar information online, although this approach can be time consuming.
As for why researching publishers is important, you will find that many have rules and restrictions. For example, do not waste your time by sending your books to publishers who only deal with literary agents if you do not have an agent. Examine dates, as some publishers only accept manuscript certain months of the year. Can you submit your manuscript to other publishers at the same time? Some have rules, restrictions, or recommendations that encourage you not to do so.
Another important step that you will want to take, when looking to get a book published…
is to not give up.
It is rare for a publisher to accept a book on the first try, especially if you are unpublished author. Do not give up. Try different publishers. If you receive ten or more rejections, it may be time to recheck your book. Are there any storyline changes or layout changes that can be made to improve your chances of getting your book published? If so, experiment.
When looking to get a book published, the above mentioned steps are just a few of the many that you will want to take and should take. These steps, however, are ones that all authors should take, as they should be able to help you improve your chances of getting your book published. As a reminder, it is important to do the proper amount of research before you start submitting your book.









