Charming the ladies

I asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an
unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a
cosy little restaurant.

So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, ‘This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there’….. and indicated me
with a nod of his head.

She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking
at me, then decided to send a reply by a
note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a
response, took the note from her and conveyed it to the me.

The note read: ‘For me to accept this bottle, you
need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million
dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your
pants’..

After reading the note, I decided to compose one of my own in
return. I folded the note, handed it to the waiter and
instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read:

‘Just to let you know things aren’t always what they appear to
be. I have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600,
and a Porsche Turbo in my several garages; I have
beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a 10,000 acre
ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million
dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even
for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut off three
inches. Just send the wine back.’

News -Malawians voice anger against farting bill

Residents in Malawi’s financial capital Blantyre have reacted angrily at government attempts to criminalise farting in public.

The Local Courts Bill, to be introduced next week, reads: “Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the
neighbourhood or passing along a public way, shall be guilty of a misdemeanour.”

The bill will also attempt to deal with citizens who hinder the burial of dead bodies as well as people who pretend to be fortune tellers.

Many feel that there are better issues that the government needs to discuss. Local Topsi Ganzalesi said: “We can’t allow that. We all fart. Where do they think we could go and fart? That is no issue to debate upon.”

College student, Matthews Phiri, was not alone in saying he could not understand how the government hoped to enforce the new law – adding to widespread criticism that the new law is a giant waste of public funds.

“We all fart in public and it will be difficult to tell who has done it. Some do it silently. It some cases it is like teargas which goes like shhhh! Our legislators need to concentrate on discussing development projects. They should not waste our time and money on childish issues. It would make sense if they talked about defecating and urinating anyhow but not farting. This will not work. We will keep on farting.” he said.