Another Maths teacher

The Walrus and The Carpenter

Lewis Carroll

(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might: He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright– And this was odd, because it was The middle of the night. The moon was shining sulkily, Because she thought the sun Had got no business to be there After the day was done– “It’s very rude of him,” she said, “To come and spoil the fun!” The sea was wet as wet could be, The sands were dry as dry. You could not see a cloud, because No cloud was in the sky: No birds were flying overhead– There were no birds to fly. The Walrus and the Carpenter Were walking close at hand; They wept like anything to see Such quantities of sand: “If this were only cleared away,” They said, “it would be grand!” “If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year. Do you suppose,” the Walrus said, “That they could get it clear?” “I doubt it,” said the Carpenter, And shed a bitter tear. “O Oysters, come and walk with us!” The Walrus did beseech. “A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach: We cannot do with more than four, To give a hand to each.” The eldest Oyster looked at him, But never a word he said: The eldest Oyster winked his eye, And shook his heavy head– Meaning to say he did not choose To leave the oyster-bed. But four young Oysters hurried up, All eager for the treat: Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, Their shoes were clean and neat– And this was odd, because, you know, They hadn’t any feet. Four other Oysters followed them, And yet another four; And thick and fast they came at last, And more, and more, and more– All hopping through the frothy waves, And scrambling to the shore. The Walrus and the Carpenter Walked on a mile or so, And then they rested on a rock Conveniently low: And all the little Oysters stood And waited in a row. “The time has come,” the Walrus said, “To talk of many things: Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax– Of cabbages–and kings– And why the sea is boiling hot– And whether pigs have wings.” “But wait a bit,” the Oysters cried, “Before we have our chat; For some of us are out of breath, And all of us are fat!” “No hurry!” said the Carpenter. They thanked him much for that. “A loaf of bread,” the Walrus said, “Is what we chiefly need: Pepper and vinegar besides Are very good indeed– Now if you’re ready, Oysters dear, We can begin to feed.” “But not on us!” the Oysters cried, Turning a little blue. “After such kindness, that would be A dismal thing to do!” “The night is fine,” the Walrus said. “Do you admire the view? “It was so kind of you to come! And you are very nice!” The Carpenter said nothing but “Cut us another slice: I wish you were not quite so deaf– I’ve had to ask you twice!” “It seems a shame,” the Walrus said, “To play them such a trick, After we’ve brought them out so far, And made them trot so quick!” The Carpenter said nothing but “The butter’s spread too thick!” “I weep for you,” the Walrus said: “I deeply sympathize.” With sobs and tears he sorted out Those of the largest size, Holding his pocket-handkerchief Before his streaming eyes. “O Oysters,” said the Carpenter, “You’ve had a pleasant run! Shall we be trotting home again?’ But answer came there none– And this was scarcely odd, because They’d eaten every one.  

Sonja A’Tonya

Gorgeously pretty Russian teacher on attachment to St. Nedds in Suffolk.

Blond, long legs, incredibly intelligent. Dr. Graham Boreham-Quigley, Physics teacher, fell in love with her instantly.

But somehow managed to break her heart. Lack of respect? Lack of self-respect.

There will be more of this in the next book ‘St. Nedds’ “As I was going to St. Nedds I met a man with seven Heads”

Writing Resolutions

Well back in the UK going through a draw in my filing cabinet called ‘Writing’.

I have to do something about it – as in finish each of these projects.

So here we are;

1. “Trans-Uranic Elements: The Dark Side of Uranus”. This one is typed up in draft and I am slowly editing to make the jokes even funnier. Another outing for Fairy Hanny, helping two time travellers to close down a randomly controlled worm hole. The Witch Iz is bringing children from Earth to make mince pies for the Fairy’s. Will Hanny, Tom and Magdalene stop her?

2. “Inspector Flaange and the Death at the Dick Factory” . Meet Inspector Hunter Flaange and DC Jason Beaver as they piece together the life and death of Harry Dick, manufacturer of marital aids… Was his death a sick game or was he murdered for some dark sexual secret? Again this is typed in draft but I don’t really like the ending.

3. “Inspector Flaange and the Eaten Puff” . Handwritten manuscript. Obnoxious ex-public school businessman found poisoned in his hotel room in Ipswich. Who killed him and why? What type of nasty bastard is was this guy?

4. “Inspector Flaange and the Phuket Incident”. Handwritten outline. Three middle aged men found dead in Ipswich, each with an item of feminine clothing nailed to their heads. What happened on Phuket?

5. “Inspector Flaange and the Barking Spider”. Handwritten outline. Eminent Scientists working at Sizewell are found dead in an around Barking Forest. Is the local legend of a horribly mutated spider, caused by radiation exposure, really true?

6. “St. Nedds” Handwritten plan. Dr. Graham Boreham-Quigley teaches Physics at a private boarding school on the Suffolk coast. Sadly the wonderful Headmaster, Airey R. Spaby, takes early retirement mid term due to an unexpected heart attack. The governors bring in a new Super Head, Ms Elizabeth Munt, to take the school by the scruff of the neck and bring it into the 21st Century. She takes an immediate dislike to Graham and starts to make life hell for him. Fortunately Graham gets his revenge with the help of some Motorcycling Sloths and a Proboscis Monkey.

I have other plans too…

What would help me finish each project?

1. Stop being a lazy bastard. Remember the word ‘Never’.

2. The belief that these books will take me to my dream home in Spain.

3. A literary agent.

4. A Russian Princess who would make me endless cups of tea while I write.

As 2015 progresses so will steps 1 to 4!!!

Spanish Resolution

I spent a few hours today researching homes in Spain.

Choice is between a modern place near to the hordes of Brits who have moved to Spain, or a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.

I’ll go for the latter.

Most need fixing/renovating but I have the skills for that.

A place to work the land and write in the evenings while drinking the local wines.

Heaven.

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Galicia looks good.

And the prices!!!