Who wants to be a writer – it’s tough!!!

10 Authors who dealt with Rejection.

You and I love to write. It’s a special gift and a privilege we have creating story’s, sometimes just for ourselves, for our families and friends. But we all reach the point when we believe in what we write and we want to see it published – and we’d also like to make money from our writing too!

There are many famous writers, old and new, who have gone from the personal writing to looking for publication only to be rejected. I think many of you reading this will have a few rejection letters yourself – if not get ready for some! I have a few myself and each time I get one, I either take on board the positive criticism or I reject it if it is just negative criticism!

Below, in no particular order, are ten well known authors who suffered their fair share of rejection. However they didn’t let it stop them – they kept going an eventually found fame and fortune from their writing. We should take heart from these examples and remember – success is not just about what you do but about the attitude and determination you have to succeed.

1. C.S. Lewis. Author of the Chronicles of Narnia, the most famous being The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Lewis received more than 800 rejections before he sold anything. Next time you watch one of the movies just smile at his determination.

2. Margaret Mitchell. Not a name that springs to mind until you realise she wrote Gone With The Wind. An all time classic that was rejected by 25 publishers.

3. Robert M. Pisig. The author of a modern classic much loved by undergraduate college students. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance took four years to write and was rejected 121 times!

4. George Orwell. A personal favourite of mine as he worked at the local newspaper in my hometown and took his pen name from the River Orwell. His iconic book on Stalinist Russia Animal Farm was rejected repeatedly, one American publisher claiming that ‘animal stories don’t sell’.

5. The Diary of Anne Frank was repeatedly rejected as many publishers felt it was of little interest to the general public. By 1998 this book had sold more than 25 million copies and remains a bestseller to this day.

6. William Golding. The Lord of the Flies, a disturbing book about the lives and violence of young boys stranded on a tropical island, was rejected more than 20 times. The book has gone on to sell more than 14 million copies and the author received the Nobel Prize for Literature. 7. James Joyce. Possibly one of the most famous Irish writers of the 20th Century saw his novel Ulysses was  rejected over and over for being obscene.

8. Jasper Fforde. Again a personal favourite. I have all of his Thursday Next novels and love the Nursery Crime series. Jasper collected 76 rejections before The Eyre Affair was accepted for publication.

9. J.K. Rowling. Probably the best known rejected author of modern times. The first Harry Potter book was turned down by 12 major publishing houses before being accepted by Bloomsbury one of the smaller London publishers. Now each of her books has been turned into a movie, there are the books, computer games, merchandise etc.

10. Frank Herbert. The best selling Science Fiction novel of all time was rejected 20 times. When accepted Dune sold so well that Herbert was contracted to write five more in the series.

So great books and writers- how many have you actually read? – the common thread being rejection and perseverance. Like most of you I am working on completing novels – I’ve just finished the draft of my second.

Meanwhile I keep my cash flowing by writing articles, short story’s, poetry and tutoring. I feel privileged, like I said at the start of this article, that I can spend time writing and helping others. I particularly like to write comedy – not one of the easiest genres but great fun. I sometimes burst out laughing when I read the things I’ve written.

Don’t ever get downhearted about your writing. Write for yourself when you can. Write articles to improve your skills (and get paid); write for your friends and family.

Just write!

What the fork? Doctors remove piece of cutlery from penis of 70-year-old

Hey Folks this is a GENUINE News item !!!!!

Doctors in Australia have removed a 10-centimetre fork from the penis of a 70-year-old man who inserted it into his uretha in an attempt to achieve sexual gratification.

The case is considered so unusual it was written-up by three doctors in the International Journal of Surgery Case Report last month.

According to the report the man presented at Canberra Hospital emergency department with a bleeding sexual organ.

The Canberra Times says he told doctors he had inserted the piece of cutlery into his urethra almost 12 hours earlier in an attempt to achieve sexual gratification, but the fork – perhaps unsurprisingly – became stuck.

Doctors were able to feel the fork from outside and remarkable x-ray images showed the utensil wedged into the man’s penis.

Medics finally removed the item using forceps and “copious lubrication” while the patient was under a general anaesthetic.

The case appears in the International Journal of Surgery Case Report published last month and is entitled “An Unusual Urethral Foreign Body”.

In the document medics remark that it was rare to see objects lodged in the lower urinary tract.

Doctors explained that they wrote up the case “given the great management challenge faced by the oddity and infrequency with which a fork is encountered in the penile urethra”.

“It is apparent that the human mind is uninhibited let alone creative,” they wrote.

“Autoerotic stimulation with the aid of self-inserted urethral foreign bodies has been existent since time immemorial and have presented an unusual but known presentation to urologists.”

According to the Canberra Times the report lists other objects found in parts of other bodies including wire, Allen keys, toothbrushes, light bulbs, thermometers, plants, vegetables, leeches, snakes and glue.

The newspaper also notes that the report says many patients try to remove items that become stuck because of embarrassment.

Their own attempts to extract the objects often result in further injuries the paper notes.”

Physicist proves watched kettles do boil!

They say a watched kettle never boils, but Irish Physicist Eamon Glasscock has set out to disprove this theory and made some other remarkable discoveries on the way.

Glasscock, 26, a post-doctoral Research Fellow at the University of Wollongong in Dubai, has spent a lifetime fascinated by things that get hot.

“As a child I loved to switch on the electric fire just to watch it glow and get hot,” he explained. “Even in the height of summer I would switch it on, but that was only to be expected in Ireland!”

“It drove my parents insane,” he added with a wink.

As part of his research Glasscock had to convert part of his laboratory into a mock kitchen.

“We got a grant from the government and some help from the Engineering Department. So we were able to add a base unit with a sink, some wall cupboards and a worktop nicely finished in imitation marble. We also bought a kettle to watch,” confided the Scientist.

As part of his research Glasscock would fill the kettle with water, or H2O as Scientists call it, and then switch it on. He would then sit and observe what happens.

“It was my belief from the start that the ‘watched kettle never boils’ brigade were anti-Science. However I found that in 100% of cases the kettle did boil even though I was watching it.”

In order to add a fair test to his experiments Glasscock called on the assistance of his fellow countryman Eamon Hire Ph.D., a Zoologist from County Meath, to repeat the experiment. Dr. Hire found the same consistent set of results. To further test his theory Glasscock purchased two further kettles from different manufacturers.

“In my paper recently submitted to The Physics Review of Ireland I have been able to state quite clearly that a watched kettle does boil,” declared Glasscock.

As a further discovery Glasscock and hire also found that using boiled water to make endless cups of coffee can cause palpitations and constipation, not a great combination.

“We’ve applied to the University for a Further Research Grant to study this phenomenon,” elucidated Dr. Hire.

The two researchers also spoke briefly about the application to study bears in America, Russia and China.

“We would like to establish the facts behind the age old question of where the Ursines defecate,” clarified Dr. Glasscock.

Meanwhile David Cameron, the English Prime Minister, commented on the research.

“We never had kettles at Eton,” he put into the plain words of a working man, “though we did have our own woods with our own Conservative Bears. That’s why we won the First World War.”

Afghans delighted to be counting their goats after the decline of the Taliban.

The people of Afghanistan have been celebrating in the streets as they regain a more liberal freedom. Counting is back on the menu after more than twenty years of the Taliban tally ban.

“I deeply love my goats but until this week I didn’t know how many I had,” explained Mahmud Ghazi, 48, a goatherd from Kabul.

All types of Statistics were outlawed under the strict Taliban regime, as the extremists saw keeping count of things to be yet another sign of western decadence, like shaving and the X Factor.

“Statistics are a bad thing, I believe,” declared Lavi Khaki, 26, a spokesman for the Taliban in exile. “Even your decadent Western Philosophers see how bad Statistics is  … are. How to Lie with Statistics. Lays, Damned Lies and Statistics. I could go on. We in the Taliban know that the average Afghani has no need for Statistics of any kind. I can be 100% certain of this.”

When pushed to elucidate his findings Khaki recounted a survey amongst Taliban members who unanimously agreed to the tally ban. He compared Statistics to listening to Radio 1 – totally pointless.

“Even the Camels agreed with us, within a 2.5% margin,” he continued, “and 8 out of 10 bearded women refused to even take part in the survey so had to be beaten.”

However under the leadership of new premier Hamid Karzai things are about to change.

“The Taliban tally ban just doesn’t add up,” stated a spokesman for the new government. “So we have repealed all laws relating to the tally ban. After all what is a State without Statistics?”

The new approach received the full backing of General Ed McSquared, 52, for the US led coalition and from Mr. Ghazi the goatherd.

When questioned further Mr Ghazi let us in on an Afghan secret.

“We goatherds have our secret way of undermining the Taliban tally ban,” he said with a smug twinkle in his eye. “Although we were not allowed to count our goats there has never been a law against naming them! So every day I would go out into the field and shout out; Bob! Steve! Declan! Lance! And so on until I knew all of my goats were present, even though I didn’t know how many I had!”

Mr. Ghazi also explained that he was encouraged by US Marines to give the goats Western names as a further way of undermining the fundamentalist authorities.

“We once had a goat called George but it was quickly killed and eaten. Tough meat and tasted awful.”

Meanwhile David Cameron, the English Prime Minister, made clear that he had never eaten goat as that was for working class kids who don’t go to Eton.

“However all Etonians have an excellent background in Statistics which is why the English Cricket team do so well,” he continued.

Mr. Cameron later denied that he had ever taken the Public School course on Culinary Statistics, despite claims that he was an expert at cooking the books.

Bedlam Boys – the story behind ‘Trans Uranic Elements; The Dark Side of Uranus’

Bedlam Boys

For to see my Tom of Bedlam, 10,000 miles I’d travel
Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes, to save her shoes from gravel.

Still I sing bonnie boys, bonnie mad boys,
Bedlam boys are bonnie
For they all go bare and they live by the air,
And they want no drink nor money.

I went down to Satan’s kitchen, for to beg me food one morning
There I got souls piping hot, all on the spit a turning.

There I picked up a cauldron, Where boiled 10,000 harlots
Though full of flame I drank the same, to the health of all such varlets.

My staff has murdered giants, my bag a long knife carries
For to cut mince pies from children’s thighs, with which to feed the fairies.

Spirits white as lightning, shall on my travels guide me
The moon would quake and the stars would shake, when’ ere they espied me.

No gypsy slut nor doxy, shall win my Mad Tom from me
I’ll weep all night, the stars I’ll fight, the fray will well become me.

It’s when next I have murdered, the Man-In-The-Moon to powder
His staff I’ll break, his dog I’ll bake, they’ll howl no demon louder.

So drink to Tom of Bedlam, he’ll fill the seas in barrels
I’ll drink it all, all brewed with gall, with Mad Maudlin I will travel.

Interview on BBC Radio Suffolk

Thursday 15th August 2013 Mr Swifty will be interviewed by Lesley Dolphin on BBC Radio Suffolk. Swifty will be a ‘sofa guest’ to talk about life, travelling and writing.

Having spent the last seven years travelling to Florida, Spain and Cyprus to sell apartments, then on to Qatar, Abu Dhabi and China to teach Mathematics, the 30 minute stint could be entertaining.


Indian policeman shoots himself to win bravery award

A policeman in India was recovering in hospital after he shot himself in a misguided attempt to win a bravery award.

Mahesh Rajguru claimed that six unidentified men opened fire when he was on personal protection duty at a house of a former politician in Jaipur, the capital of the eastern state of Rajasthan.

He claimed the men sped away in a car after the supposed attack on Sunday night, the Press Trust of India news agency reported.

“Senior officials rushed to the spot and found his statements and crime scene suspicious,” Additional Commissioner of Police Arun Macya told PTI.

“He confessed no such incident that he had narrated took place and he shot himself just to claim a gallantry award by showing bravery.”

Rajguru, who received three bullet injuries in his stomach and arm, was admitted to the Sawai Man Singh government hospital in Jaipur, where his condition was reported to be stable.

“As soon as they spotted me, they started firing. A bullet hit my stomach,” Rajguru said in his original statement according to the Times of India.

“When I screamed, they ran outside and again opened fire while getting into a car parked outside. Two more bullets hit my shoulders.”

Police said all the empty cartridges found at the scene belonged to Rajguru’s gun and that they had also found narcotic drugs in his living quarters.

Bank Robber

On Friday, A hooded robber burst into a bank and, at gunpoint, forced the tellers to load their cash into a plain brown bag.

As the robber approached the door, one brave customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the robber’s face.
Without a moment’s hesitation, the robber shot the customer.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.
The robber instantly shot & killed her also.
Everyone in the bank, by now horrified, stared down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, “Well, did anyone else see my face?”

There was a long moment of dead silence in which everyone was terrified to speak.

Then, one gutsy old Australian named Bernie cautiously raised his hand and said,
“My wife got a pretty good look at you !!!!.”