Oh what can ail thee Lana Scan?

Alone and palely loitering?

Come and sit beside the Lake,

And listen to me sing.

“Heaven knows when I might see,

A Monkey in The Banyan Tree,

Coming down to look at me

Offering a cup of tea.

“In times gone by I used to cry

As Camel boys spat in my eye.

Now I feel with an awesome sigh,

Thank God those days have passed me by.

“Then I think upon this Great Globe,

Suspended from my earlobe

Is a painful Periodontal Probe,

And a man dressed in a bloody Thobe.

“It gets me up, it gets me down,

The stairways in this cold Town.

Seventeen Baboons, a horse and a Clown,

It makes Commuters stop and Frown.

“I wonder at the sycophants gall,

Who lied his way into the Ball,

I’ll ask a Gibbon, lean and tall,

To smash his Head against the wall.

“Then came an Ass , an erstwhile Leader,

I said he’s just a fucked up Bleeder,

Duplicitous bastard – Journal Reader,

Definitely a Bottom Feeder.

“Six times a day I’m out of my class,

Gathering paper to shove up my Ass.

Those Work Generators totally Crass;

Dossers have reached a Critical Mass.

“None can touch me, Old and Wary,

Not even Fat Bum, big and hairy,

We zipped through the trees – very scary,

Some kids and us; Peter and Mary.

“And just this week the World went Moony,

Inflated egos rap till Noony.

But I don’t care because I know soony,

I’ll share some wine with a Fairy loony.”

And so sweet Lady in the Meads,

Full Beautiful – a Fairy Child.

Come buy a beer, any kind;

Lager, Bitter or even Mild.