Fairy Hanny

Food glorious food

Just a Restaurant, Sanur, Bali.

I suppose they like to call it an Indonesian restaurant, and the menu has many Indonesian meals on offer. Though the breakfast menu is mostly offering variations on the Full English breakfast, albeit with chicken sausages and turkey bacon, which is my normal offer back in Oman. Yes they also offer things like Avocado with sourdough bread, though to me that is more of a western alternative breakfast for rich kids.

Back at the same place a few evenings later I tried Beef Rendang, a sort of spicy current made with coconut milk, and served up with steamed rice. I remembered why I don’t eat rice very often…

Around me the International Travellers, Influencers, Kite Surfers, and Digital Nomads, are ordering Indonesian delicacies like Fish and Chips, Burgers and Fries, and Bangers and Mash (only to be disappointed at the leathery beef sausages).

Am I being too judgemental?

Then looking down the menu I see Nasi Goreng with variations, depending on whether you want chicken, turkey bacon, seafood or vegetarian variations. It takes me back to when I worked at the Royal Hospital School, which at the time was a full boarding school in the UK. About once a month they had Nasi Goreng on the menu, and we all thought it was some kind of exotic creation from the kitchen chefs. It turns out Nasi Goreng is just Indonesian and Malay for fried rice.

An evening with…

Tapha

I just had to write this one.

I am at a ‘Beach Party’ at a restaurant called ‘Tapha’ on Sanur beach. I have just celebrated my 69^th birthday and I am probably average age for this gathering! There is a band playing all sorts of covers of well-known songs, including ruining Smoke on the Water and Sunshine of your love.

The band is a three piece, with a guitarist and a guy on electronic drums and a synthesizer for bass and things. Plus the singer, who has a great voice, is as wide as he is tall.

I couldn’t help but laugh when they played Knocking on heavens door, as most of us in the audience will probably be doing that for real very soon!

Of course they topped off the set with Sex is on fire, which had me giggling even more. For most of us old folks the sex would probably cause friction burns due to the lack of lubrication! I am reminded of the line I put in one of my Fairy Hanny books, when they described a leather skinned, older sunworshipper as having a minge like a dried-out crab shell.

As the crowd slowly moved there came from the shadows a rumpled version of Kid Rock, though this one had missed the six-pack and replaced it with a beer barrel. He wore that same sort of faux leather pork pie hat too – I nicknamed him Kid Cock.

It really was an entertaining evening and I am sure I will return.

69th Birthday reflections. I’m a grumpy old git

Sanur July 2026

Watching the world today I see the beauty in nature and the sadness in humanity. Sitting at a restaurant on Sanur beach at the Retro restaurant. The wind in the trees that are part of the canopy of the restaurant; beautiful flowers offering us insights to nature; and dogs chasing their ball in the sand.

Then I notice couple sitting, not talking, living their lives through smartphones. Would they notice an earthquake unless it registered on social media?

And in the background, fascism raising its ugly head.

Trump.

Farage.

Miller – they’re all deformed, he says, as he looks like a Temu Nosferatu.

Then a secret smile; Trump means fart in England, a passing of gas which will dissipate in the air.

Sadness – Netanyahu murdering children in self-defence.

Putin watching his young men slaughtered so he can avoid going to prison.

A theme there – three nasty old cunts who are killing the world to avoid responsibility.

And July is the anniversary of the battle of the Somme, with 57000 British and Commonwealth casualties on day one.

I am in a down today…

Then they switched the lights on, and I am reminded of Bilbo’s eleventy first birthday party, with lights hanging from the trees. I see squirrels cavorting in the trees above my head and happiness returns.

Puberty

When I was in St. Kevins Roman Catholic High School back in the 60’s and 70’s, we had 2000 adolescent boys. Sex was the dominant chat.

Puberty included the joke;

‘What did one leg say to the other?’

‘I see shorty’s growing a beard!’

We longed for the site of that first pubic hair.

One day after games when we were getting showered – if you weren’t dirty from the game Mr. Murphy would pick you up and drop you in a muddy puddle – what would they call that in the liberal 21^st Century?

Anyway, P1 and P2 had games at the same time. Now there was a kid who seemed to have hit the hairy bollocks stage well ahead of the rest of us. So as we were showering, someone put the put lad on the spot by shouting ‘Stench, show us your knob!’

The rites of passage…

Jimmy B.

Writing about R.A. Ladd took me back to some of the other daftness of growing up in Kirkby in the 1960’s. Some of the reflections still have me crying with laughter, especially things like my brother thinking Nightation meant a bad gas, as in a fart, until I clarified his error as Nitrogen.

Then other silly things came back.

The famous Jimmy who misheard everything. There was a song released in 1965 by the soon to be specially noted Rolf the Nonce Harris (we had no idea at the time that he had an eye for kids like us). Anyway, the song was called Jake the Peg, which Jimmy decided was Jake the Pake – he refused to be corrected. Was that my first encounter with Narcissism?

But he had other classics too. If you asked him a question he would reply onya a tonya – then when you said what he would reply ernie meh a leh.

Pure nonsense.

Photo by ud83cuddfbud83cuddf3ud83cuddfbud83cuddf3 Viu1ec7t Anh Nguyu1ec5n ud83cuddfbud83cuddf3ud83cuddfbud83cuddf3 on Pexels.com

My favourite was when he was trying to sell his tent after he quit Scouts. For context, we didn’t have dome tents or geodesics in those days. They were basically ‘A’ frame tents – two upright poles and a ridge pole. One advance was to add a rounded section at the back of the tent for extra storage; I once had a tent that even added extra wide flaps at the front to create an entrance porch!

Anyway.

The sales negotiation. The potential buyer was asking for details before asking for the tent to be set up for inspection.

Buyer – ‘Is it a bell end?’

Jimmy – ‘No it’s in good condition.’

R.A. Ladd – my father and farts

I am tempted to use this as a pen name for some of my writing in honour of my father. His name was not R.A. Ladd – it was one of his expressions, though I might have to put that into context in the Liverpool of the 1970’s.

My father had the misfortune in those days to have three overly flatulent sons living at home. This means for a couple of years he had three teenage boys at home, all three of which had awful tummy troubles. Being the oldest, my own situation was being conflated by my new addiction to beer and with it the impressive gut-wrenching wind that accompanies such taste.

One of us, usually Keith who later gained the nickname ‘Your Eminence’ or the ‘Cabbagey Kid’, would emit a disgusting stench, silently; a smell that would conjure up all the demons in hell collectively farting fire and brimstone.

Dad would suddenly look up and say, ‘Ah hey lad!’ which sounded like R.A. Ladd.

It would usually be followed up with one of the following;

‘Did a rat crawl up your arse and die?’

‘Kinnel! Nothing smells like that and lives!’

‘Have you shit yourself?’

Again, to put things in context, we lived in a relatively small three bedroomed mid terrace house (1950’s new build in Kirkby). The lounge was just about big enough for a three-piece suite. Two armchairs, occupied exclusively by the parents, and a sofa that sometimes had to deal with five children. I also remember these weird ‘pictures’, which were nails punched into a black background, and then different coloured strings between them to create clowns.

In the winter the gas fire would be on and a fug of cigarette smoke would be emitted constantly from the mother and father. It was always impressive when a fart was pungent enough to attack that fug and get the reaction,

“R.A. Ladd!”

Monday smile

Lost … and Found!

Do you ever feel lost in the world?

I know I could say yes because right now I am sitting at my desk in Hawana, Salalah – where is that?

Any, recently I have felt a little lost in life. I ‘retired’ five years ago and went back to England. Sadly my income/pension didn’t quite cover the cost of living in the UK. So I did some extra tutoring, a bit of teacher supply work, and even did shelf stacking at Tesco! But it wasn’t enough, and I found myself down at the pub or the off-licence on too many evenings.

Plus I felt I was priced out of the UK housing market.

So I came to Oman to teach Maths and Physics, on what I call my ‘retirement package’. What do I mean by that? Well for almost 20 years I worked in boarning schools in the UK and China. That meant averaging a 70+ hours working every week. At one school in Sufolk I worked 13 days with a couple of afternoons off in that time.

Now I have a 40 hour week, 7a.m. to 3 p.m., but only about half of that is teaching time. And I have a tax free salary and a pension going into a UK account.

I know I will have to do a real ‘full’ retirement soon.

And that was when I was lost again!!

What to do next?

Photo by Carsten Ruthemann on Pexels.com

So after school today I hung round and did some digging and found I can afford to by an apartment back home on Merseyside, or a place in Spain in the mountains, or even buy a boat and live on the Norfolk Broads or Cornwall!! [Check out Rightmove UK, Idealista spain, and Boats for Sale]

Now I have regained a focus and feel inspired to finish writing my next books!

Then when I got home I found this email link from Daily Motivation.

“No matter which path you take or how far you move forward, you will encounter dead ends that test your patience and trust.

But remember, no amount of overthinking or doubt can change what is meant for you.

Staying rooted in trust allows you to remain in a state of calm while the outcomes are still taking shape.

The fiercest storms eventually pass, and situations that seem impossible often resolve themselves.

Out of nowhere, the exact opportunity you needed appears.

Do not let anything shake the trust you have in the process of life.

Things have a remarkable way of working themselves out.“

Be Happy – sometimes things just come together.

Happy to be alive

Turkey, August 2024 I was rushed into a Hospital in the middle of nowhere. My blood pressure was stupidly high and I had 7 litres of excess fluid built up in my body. My ‘resting’ heart rate was 190 bpm. I was close to having a heart attack or stroke so they put me into ICU. No family. No friends..

They saved my life and I am happy to be alive. It turns out that Covid 19 has damaged my heart muscle so it is no longer 100% efficient. But I’m still here!!!

When I saw this post from Daily Motivation I just felt I had to share.

“One of the most important aspects of healing is returning to the small joys that once brightened your world.

While some things may have changed, it’s important to give yourself permission to create space for little moments of lightness in your day.

These simple joys remind you that, even after years of struggle, your playful spark still lives within you; you just need to nurture it.

Reconnect with the playful side of yourself.

Allow these moments to lift the weight of expectations and responsibilities, even if only for a few minutes.

Feel the excitement of doing something purely for the sake of joy, not for gain or obligation.

Life is not only about constant striving; it is also meant to be fully savored.“

Show up, even when life feels messy.

Show up, even when life feels messy.

Even when doubt and fear come up.

Those emotions are part of being human.

But you must not forget the incredible resilience within you, the human spirit that has the capacity to endure, adapt, and achieve extraordinary things.

You may stumble. You may make mistakes.

But your power lies in the very act of showing up.

With determination and consistency, new doors begin to open and opportunities you couldn’t see before start to take shape.

Do it – even when it’s hard.

Every small step rooted in courage will eventually lead to results beyond what you can imagine right now.

Daily Motivation 15th March 2026