Scorflufus!

My knees are hurting so I thought of Spike Milligan

“There are many diseases,
That strike people’s kneeses,
Scorflufus! is one by name
It comes from the East
Packed in bladders of yeast
So the Chinese must take half the blame.

There’s a case in the files
Of Sir Barrington-Pyles
While hunting a fox one day
Shot up in the air
And remained hanging there!
While the hairs on his socks turned grey!

Aye! Scorflufus had struck!
At man, beast, and duck.
And the knees of the world went Bong!
Some knees went Ping!
Other knees turned to string
From Balham to old Hong Kong.

Should you hold your life dear,
Then the remedy’s clear,
If you’re offered some yeast – don’t eat it!
Turn the offer down flat-
Don your travelling hat-
Put an egg in your boot – and beat it!

Creativity.

While changing planes at Charles de Gaulle airport, we had to board
a bus to take us to the terminal.  It pulled up to the building,
everyone got off and stopped in front of an automatic door.  Which
automatically stayed closed.

People started to pile up.  They began to peer through the glass,
look around, while others looked back at the bus driver.  A few
tapped on the glass.

Being one of the last people off the bus, I walked over to the side
door on the left, the one with the “use this door” sign, and walked
in.  Immediately, everybody laughed or grinned sheepishly, and
followed me in.

What happened?

The first person off the bus went to the wrong door.  The second
person followed the first, the third the second, and so on for
almost 40 people.

You can see a similar kind of thing when you enter some place with
a winding velvet rope line.  Even though it’s empty, if the rope is
there, people will follow it blindly, walking 60 feet to get to a
counter that’s six feet away.  Until someone comes along and
unhooks the rope, or goes under it.  Then everyone behind will
follow the same process.  They know enough to follow up on a good
thing, but they don’t have the creativity to think of it themselves.

They are trapped in “tribal-think” and go through their lives
following the velvet-roped path.  They do things this way because
it’s always been done this way.

You have to be different…

But you know that already.  What you may not know is one of the
attributes you need to stay out of tribal-think and accomplish
great things.

Creativity.

haddock

Creativity helps you think differently.  You see the unseen, dream
the undreamt, and do the things that have never been done.
Creativity is simply the process of looking at the same thing as
everyone else and seeing something new.  It is a method of
generating ideas and bringing something new into existence.

Some creativity is adaptive–modifying or altering what already
exists in new ways.  Other creativity is innovative–introducing
something entirely new that had not existed before.  Either one can
make you rich.

So I conclude I lost Christmas.

Happy is the man who is happy

Sad is the man who is sad.

And where did you get your oilskin coat

It’s nifty and not too bad.

I got it from a chap deep in the ground

Whilst sojourning in Old Baghdad.

So your Slothskin cap and mandolin

Where you got them, can you say?

From a hippy trail and a crippled child

As I passed through Old Bombay.

The Moleskin coat is all the rage

Can I ask how it came to you?

Well I nicked it from a copper mine

While thieving in Peru.

Those Snakeskin boots are all the go

I assume you are the owner?

Yes of course I am I came by them

From an Injun in Arizona.

Now those leather slacks look rather sweet

I doubt I’ve seen any finer.

Yes I borrowed them from a bleeding corpse

While pillaging in China.

Your morals seem a little lapse

And your outfits need more thought.

But don’t you think I look a dish

In the clothes what I have bought?

The ink stained coat and sharkskin hat

Please tell me where you got hold of them.

From an old bent mule and three wise men

On the way to Bethlehem.

Happy is the man who is happy

Sad is the man who is sad.

Hi Ho Silver

I was flying back to England on one of those antiquated planes beloved of Air Astana.

Polite hello to my fellow passenger.

“Hi”

We eventually started a conversation.

“I am a Physics teacher”

“I’m a research Scientist”

Wow!

So what was her current area of research?

Male sexuality.

“Really?”

“That must be fascinating!”

“Yes. We have been investigating ethnic and national statistics relating to male performance.”

Wow

“Our research has found that Native Americans have the largest penises and that Greek men can keep going for longest. Fascinating!”

Yes.

She controlled her enthusiasm.

“I’m sorry we’ve not been introduced. My name is Mary Smith. What’s yours?”

“Tonto Popadopolis.”