Fairy Hanny

Just a clip from my new book

This is a section from ‘Trans-Uranic Elements: The Dark Side of Uranus’. It is the second in my trilogy of the Tales of Fairy Hanny and should be on Amazon by the end of January 2022.

Enjoy – the laughter may help you sleep!

“

“OK! OK! Let’s start again. Tell me about Grumbleflick!”

“He’s dead!”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t know what dead means?”

“Yes I do – but how can he be dead?”

“He’s a Witch!”

“And?”

“Lots of them are dead. They seem to like it that way – it’s a great tax saving tip!”

“So, King Grumbleflick is a stiff?”

“Not all of him, some bits are quite floppy.”

“How does he look?”

“He uses his eyes, like most folks; but apparently he has a deathly stare. And an awful twitch in his left eye…”

“So, he is a winking Witch King!”

“Yes the Witch with a twitch.”

“And what of his countenance?”

“His what?”

“His mien?”

“Yes, he’s mean alright! Wouldn’t give you the time of day – not that that would bother you!”

“I mean what does his gob look like!!!!”

“Ugly fecker by all accounts. Face like a bucket of smashed crabs. And pale!”

“A pail of smashed crabs?”

“Not pail! Pale!”

“Pale?”

“Did you ever go to school? I mean his face is very white!”

“So, he is wan?”

“Yes, just him; the only one.”

“Wan!”

“I’m a little lost here,” said Magdalene. “I can’t quite work out one and wan!”

“It’s two,” explained Wayne.

“What?”

“Yes, one and one is two!”

“I know that, but what about ‘one’ and ‘wan’?”

“So, you’re not sure about the ‘one’ one and the ‘wan’ one?”

“That is what I said!” screamed Magdalene.

“She’s a bit of a one,” said Wayne to Ken.

Irritated Tom decided to take over.

“When he mentioned the paleness of the wan one he meant the King of the Witches.”

“So Grumbleflick is wan?”

“That’s the one!”

“Yes – deathly white!”

“I see! He is a wan King!”

“Probably.”

Tom looked to Magdalene – who looked to all purposes like a totally muddled Basset Hound on the streets of Benidorm when the coffin dodgers are in full swing.

“So; we are looking for Grumbleflick, the winking wan King of the Witches! Where can I find him?”

“I haven’t got the foggiest!” declared Ken. “I’m happy for the Witches to be a legend of some renown but you can kiss my sweet patooty if you think I’d want to know where they live!”

“What about you?” asked Magdalene, homing in suddenly on Wayne like a Labrador on a high-pitched fart.

“He lives in Witchland!” spurted Wayne.

Ken Tucky went red with anger, rage and constipation.

“I told you to forget that!” screamed Ken at his trembling chum.

“I forgot to remember to forget!” bleated Wayne.

“Which land is Witchland?” asked Tom.

“Yes,” said Ken. “Though they do say this land is my land, this land is your land, and his land is Witchland!”

“What land?”

“Consult a bloody Geography teacher if you really want to know! I am a humble supervisor of a small-scale Magic Mushroom Farm, not a cartographer! And I don’t have elbow patches on my corduroy jacket!” declared Ken with more than a hint of annoyance and a deliciously over the top pucker of his brow.

“And where would I find such a person?” asked Magdalene trying to relieve the tension; she certainly had the looks to inspire executive relief.

“Probably in one of the bars in Setebos, or having a recce round ravaged rubber trees,” said Wayne. “I think it would do us all the world of good if we were travel up the River Thyme and settle for a few glasses of delicious beer at the Phat Cat Hotel!”

All four nodded a sagacious agreement.

“The drinks are on you!” shouted Ken.

“Only if you spill them!” chortled Wayne. “Hey Ho, let’s go!” accepted Fatalistic Tom.

Simple Ways To Introduce Calm Into Your Evenings

Continuing with some ideas on sleeping and night time routines. I hope some of you can benefit from these ideas.

Many of us struggle to fall asleep at night. We toss and turn, or pop supplements and pills before we can drift off. If you are having trouble falling asleep, or simply want to work on a better bedtime routine, here are some simple ways to introduce calm into your evenings. If your mind and body aren’t overstimulated, it’s easier and quicker to fall asleep at night.

Photo by Quang Anh Ha Nguyen on Pexels.com

Stop the Caffeine Early

Caffeine has a surprisingly long halftime, which means it stays in our system longer than we think. You may have built up a tolerance and tell yourself that you can drink coffee or caffeinated tea late in the day, but it will not help you fall asleep. Most experts recommend you stop drinking caffeinated beverages between noon and two pm. Stick to that for a while and see if it helps you stay calm in the evenings and get sleepy around bedtime.

Turn Off The Screens

I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you that screens like computers, televisions, and especially tablets and phones make it harder for you to fall asleep. The reason why is because the light they emanate mimics the sun and tricks our bodies into thinking it’s earlier in the day than it is. That in turn throws off our circadian rhythms. Phones and tablets are particularly bad because we hold them so close to our faces. I encourage you to turn off all screens for at least two hours before you go to bed. It will make a bigger difference than you think.

What about blue light blockers or filters? They will help and are better than nothing, but they will not help you establish a good bedtime routine. It’s okay to not check your email until the morning. Now is also a good time to be honest with you. Are you doing productive things on your phone, or are you scrolling social media, playing games, and letting yourself be entertained? Give putting your phone to the side at night a try and see if you don’t start to sleep better.

Lower The Sounds And Lights

At the same time, it’s a good idea to start lowering the lights and anything you may be listening to. It even helps to lower your voice and invite your loved ones to do the same. Use softer light bulbs, and turn off any overhead lights. They mimic the sun and can trick your body into thinking it’s still early in the day.

Now that we talked about everything you shouldn’t during the hours before bedtime, let’s discuss a few things you can do that promote calm. Reading a book is a good idea, as is sitting together in quiet conversation. Listen to some music or play a relaxing board game with your family. Or take this time for yourself and indulge in some self-care.

Taking a warm bath or shower has been shown to promote sleep. Light a candle, turn on some soothing music and mediate or write in a journal. If I have a lot of ideas bouncing around inside my head I get out of bed and write them down; it really helps me to sleep. Spend some time unwinding and letting go of your busy day. After that, driving off to sleep will be easy and natural.

When Should You Go To Bed?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Well Christmas has been and gone. We all ate too much and drank too much. Stayed up late, slept in and got out of routines. Or was that just me? I quit my teaching job six months ago and I have struggled to get any of routine in my life. I sometimes watch movies until 4 a.m. then sleep most of the day.

It’s a stupid way to live!!!!

So I did some research on sleeping and decided to share with everyone. As usual, feedback is always appreciated.

The first step toward establishing a good bedtime routine is deciding when you should go to bed. There are a couple of things to consider here. Your weekly routine is part of it, as is how much sleep you need per night. Let’s look at these things and discuss how you can use them to guide you toward a good bedtime for yourself.

Look at your weekly schedule. Is there a certain time you have to get up? Most of us have to go to work or get the kids to school. Start with when you know you have to leave the house. From there, think about how long it takes you to get ready. Are there any morning routines that will take additional time? Do you have to get other people ready, fix breakfast for everyone, or start a load of laundry before you leave the house? Add all that time up and come up with an estimate of when you need to wake up to get it all done.

I’m calling this an estimate, because if you don’t currently have a good routine and are winging it, your first guess might be off by a little. That’s okay. As long as you’re in the ballpark, it won’t be hard to make a few adjustments.

The next question is what do you do if your schedule changes from day to day, or what do you do about the weekends when you don’t have to be anywhere at a given time. It’s a good question and the answer is simple. You want to get into the habit of waking up at the same time each day. That means you want that time to be the earliest you have to get up during the week. If that means getting out of bed at six every morning, then that’s the time you want to pick. It may not sound like a lot of fun, especially if you’re struggling to get up that early right now, but there’s a reason for it. It will become routine and after a few weeks of getting up at six every day without fail, it will be easy. Trust the process and give it a try.

Next, decide how many hours of sleep you need per night. Most people need between seven and nine hours. If you’re not sure the optimal number of hours of sleep you personally need try starting with 8 hours and go from there. Let’s stick with the six am wakeup example. To get eight hours of sleep, you need to fall asleep by ten pm at night. Since none of us can put our head on the pillow and fall asleep, a good bedtime would be nine thirty.

Now it’s your turn. What’s the earliest you need to get up? Subtract eight and a half hours from that time and make it your regular bedtime for a week or two. How does that feel? If you consistently wake up well before your alarm, you may only need seven hours of sleep. If you still feel tired after establishing your bedtime routine, you may want to try giving yourself an extra half an hour of sleep and see if you do better with that. Above all, stick to going to bed and getting up at the same time each day – even on the weekend and when you’re on vacation. Your body and mind will thank you.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

This is one of my favourites.

Update and Reflections

Looking back, it was 23^rd June since I last posted on my blog. I was starting to think that I have just been very lazy and indifferent. The more I have reflected, the more I realise I have just been too busy!!!

Back in June I was just finishing my contract as a Physics teacher in Baku, Azerbaijan. I managed to break my laptop and so was using my school issue for everything. As we came to the end of term the school took away my laptop and I decided to buy a new one when I returned to Blighty – hence no posts.

And there we have it; back ‘home’ for the first time in years. Since 2007 I have taken teaching contracts in Qatar, Abu Dhabi, China, Kazakhstan, Gran Canaria, Morocco and finally Azerbaijan. During that time, I have also visited much of Europe, Thailand, Hong Kong, and America. Moving home meant starting again as I lost so much when I was divorced. So, car, new apartment, register with the authorities, catch up with old friends and family and get to watch Everton. Of course, coming back wasn’t easy. I needed PCR test before leaving Baku. Then 10 days isolation on return, which doesn’t really make sense to me. I had a negative test in Baku and a negative test when I got home, despite passing through airports in Baku, Kyiv, Amsterdam and Manchester (and lost my luggage). However, that is the way it is, so I went with it.

Those first 10 days I spent at my sister’s house, and I treated myself to a new laptop, Dungeons and Dragons, Necromunda and started building models from scratch. I watched lots of online videos including Erics Hobby Workshop and Wylochs Armory. I still refer to those sites for ideas.

I was also able to work in my sister’s garden. She bought a house which had been empty for a year and so the garden was a jungle! I loved it! There is something special about cutting back plants and getting your hands deep into the soil. Back to nature I suppose. Once out of isolation I was also asked to help an old friend in her garden too; so, I became a gardener!

Meanwhile I was searching for somewhere to live, and I found a great apartment on the Promenade in Southport, Merseyside. The view is fantastic across the Marine Lake and out to the Irish Sea. I am now looking to buy a place nearby as Southport is such a lovely place to live.

I decided not to return to full time teaching and so now only work part time as a Maths and Physics tutor. This has allowed me to catch up a lot on reading and writing. So, I am back to motivating myself with ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’, ‘Rich Dad, Poor Dad’ and ‘Think and Grow Rich’. These books make you think about life and help to define ‘rich’ – it doesn’t always mean having lots of money! I have also started a course on Property Investment, and I am building my Thinkific site – any hints happily accepted.

As to writing! I published my first comedy novel 10 years ago and wrote the follow up a year later – I just never got round to finishing it! My plan is to publish ‘Trans-Uranic Elements: The Dark side of Uranus’ before Christmas – someone please hold me to account on this! Then in the New Year I will be working on the third in the series, plus a reflection on my time in Baku, where everything went wrong! I am sure someone cursed me! It was War and Pestilence, Crazy women, theft and hacking of my bank accounts!

Being home means I have time to chase up on previous investments that have not performed properly – I will write about that in a separate post.

Then there was an unexpected twist in life. A friend from Morocco came to UK to visit her sisters and so contacted me too. We met up and things have moved on! Let us say I expect to spend a lot of my future in Morocco.

I have written a lot in the past about Affiliate Marketing and so I am now building on some of those ideas. As a Maths teacher I was always frustrated at not being able to teach Financial Literacy and so I am now an affiliate for Kidpreneurs – check out the link. As my sites grow there will be more of this and again, any feedback is welcome.

So, I thought I was being lazy in not keeping up with my blog. It turns out I was just being busy!

Get Happy with Mindfulness

You may have heard of mindfulness and thought it was only about being calm or helping you deal with stress. But did you know that mindfulness can help you lift your mood and become a happier person more of the time?

It’s easy to get stuck in a negative mindset and stay focused on the things that aren’t working in your life. Your self-talk can become all about your weaknesses or failures. Negativity becomes your habitual way of thinking. Mindfulness can help you turn that around and get into a more positive thought pattern. As a bonus, mindfulness also has positive health benefits by reducing stress and enhancing your resilience and mental capacity.

Here are three ways mindfulness can help you out of the negativity spiral and into a happier state of mind.

Stay in the now

Practicing mindfulness can help you refocus your attention on the here and now instead of anxious fast-forwarding to future problems or brooding over past mistakes. Mindfulness slows you down and reconnects you with what is happening at the moment. You can notice and appreciate the good things that are in your life right now. Being mindful can also help you stop being reactive and instead be more thoughtful in how you respond to people and situations.

Be more connected

Mindfulness brings you into a deeper connection with yourself and with others. It gives you time and mental space to work out what matters to you, and what are your values and beliefs. You learn that happiness lies in knowing yourself and being comfortable with who you are.

And when you are your authentic self, you can connect honestly, openly and straightforwardly with other people. Relationships can become more profound and more heartfelt.

Enhance contentment and gratitude

One of the beautiful effects of mindfulness is the release from the treadmill of consumerism. You stop investing in externals for your happiness. Money, external approval, worldly success, and possessions no longer hold sway over your self-worth.

Mindfulness focuses your attention on what you can control. Living an authentic life, attuned and aligned with your values encourages and supports your inner wellbeing. Your happiness becomes self-sufficient.

Cultivating mindfulness can open your mind to feeling gratitude for where you are and what you have right now. ‘You are enough’ is not just a slogan, it is an affirmation that you can be your best you, and live the life you want.

Visualizations for a Calmer, Happier You

Calm down. Seriously.

Continuing the themes of Peace, Calm and Affirmations, here are three ways that can help to relax your mind and body. Try the crazy ones.

We all have things that leave us on edge. Sometimes it’s an event or a person (like a visit from that relative you just don’t get along with). Sometimes we’re more anxious due to more significant issues, leaving us unsure of our safety and well-being, like when a severe illness is going around. Whatever the case, anxiety is adept at derailing our lives and keeping us from accomplishing what we want and need to.

How do you handle this kind of nervous worrying? If you’re lucky, you eventually learn how to take it in stride. For some people, their coping skills aren’t healthy. For others, they flounder, trying to find their way. If you’re in these latter groups, consider this: Visualization is a proven skill shown to reduce anxiety and create a calmer and happier you. Let’s explore how.

Go Somewhere Else

Feeling especially fearful? It’s time for a trip to feel someplace safe. For some, this might be the beach. Or perhaps you’d feel more at home by a mountain lake or city café sipping coffee. Wherever you feel the safest and most at home, you want to go there now in your mind. Start by sitting back and making yourself comfortable. Close your eyes and picture yourself in your favorite place. Add in every detail you can to make this experience as real as possible. Include all your senses in the background. Breathing deeply, holding yourself in this place until you feel calm and somewhat refreshed.

Unwind with some String

Feeling all tense and coiled up inside? This usually comes when you’re holding back too many emotions. Picture yourself carrying around all these knotted emotions tangled up with words you’ve wanted to say all day but couldn’t. Make all these feelings into an imaginary ball of yarn. Now sit back and take several calming breathes as you withdraw this ball of yarn and hold it in your hand. Do you feel the weight? Good. Now drop it on the floor, holding onto the end of the string so that the ball rolls away from you, unraveling as it goes. Watch all the strands of yarn unwind, disappearing as they do. Stay in the vision until the entire ball is unwound and gone, and you’re feeling lighter and more relaxed.

Shut it Out

Our thoughts can be noisy things. We hear so many voices in our heads, reminding of us deadlines, things to do, and people to see. Add to this the negative self-talk which creeps in occasionally and the half-heard phrases we’ve carried with us, which sound suspiciously like our parents, and you’ve got a lot of chatter and no peace. For this kind of problem, visualize yourself in a room with a big open window. Set all these voices outside the window. Now, take a deep breath and shut the window firmly. This is a nice thick double-paned glass. You can no longer hear the voices when the window is closed.

With visualizations like these, you tell your mind to calm. You take back control where you need it most and set your feet back on a better path. Remember, you’re in charge of what goes on in your head. Don’t let anxiety set the tone for you.

Ways to Become a Calmer Person

We hear a lot about how to be calm and why calmness is essential. But why?! What does “calm” really do for someone? If you’re feeling like being calm gets in the way of your motivation and achievement-focused mentality, you’re not alone. I am currently feeling a little stressed at the thought of returning to England and going through the Covid self-isolation rigmarole, being tested on day 2 and day 8 of a 10 day period. And then if someone on my flight tests positive I will have to quarantine for 14 days. Add to that I have no address and no job to go to…

So some advice on being calm!

A lot of people associate calmness with nonchalance, but in reality, it’s what helps you have a clear mind so that you can achieve all of your dreams and goals. You’ve got to start somewhere, so here are five ways to become a calmer person:

1. Go All In

Just like when you learn a new language, in order to become calmer, you need to immerse yourself in the headspace fully. That means the mind, body, and soul. Whether you decide to download a meditation app or start going to yoga classes, the important thing is that you commit to it.

2. Surround Yourself with Calm

Tapping into the immersion piece, another way to become calmer is to surround yourself with calming imagery. Maybe you’ll paint your walls a color that makes you happy and serene. Or perhaps you’ll add a fountain in your room for soothing background noise.

3. Take a Break When You Need One

The hustle is great, but sometimes you need a break. Breaks are good for the mind, especially when you’re usually working hard! Let your mind go through its unconscious thoughts so that its conscious self can get back to work when you wake up.

4. Let Conflict be Conflict

Sometimes, we get into conflict, and we take all the blame. Or we hand the blame over to someone else. Either way, engaging in conflict and letting it consume you is not the way to attain calmness for your mind. The next time you find yourself getting wrapped up in conflict, take a step back, and ask yourself what good it is doing for you. If it’s not doing any good — and most of the time, it’s not—step away and let the conflict be conflict.

5. Observe from Far Away

It’s one thing to choose not to engage in something, whether it be a conflict or a toxic relationship. It’s another thing to decide to observe from far away, detach and then let go. For some people, it takes years to nail down the art of observing and detaching. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you — go at your own pace, and you’ll see progress.

5 Things You Can Do Today to Start Using Affirmations in Your Life

Affirmations are a powerful way to help you reach your goals. They can build optimism and turn around a negative mindset. And they work most effectively if you repeat them until they become part of your self-talk. I am currently working through a couple of motivational classic books which both stress the power of affirmations: Think and Grow Rich and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people.

But saying your affirmations to yourself in front of the mirror can get old fast. You need to find more creative ways of building your affirmation practice into your routine. Supercharge your motivation by injecting a little affirmation sauce into every aspect of your day.

Write Your Affirmations

Writing your affirmations makes them more tangible. Studies have shown that the physical act of writing enables your brain to remember better. In many Universities students are being told to stop taking notes on laptops and to start writing things down. Choose your favorite way of recording your own affirmations. Keep a journal; write post-it notes and leave them where they’re easy to see, on your fridge, bathroom mirror, and computer. Set reminders on your smartphone or tablet with the text of each affirmation at different times of the day.

Make Affirmation Themed Art

This might sound a little off the wall, but try making art themed around your affirmations. Use paint, collage, clay, or colored pencils, and let your Inner Child play with colors and shapes to interpret how your affirmations make you feel.

Turn Your Affirmations into Music

Take a familiar or favorite tune and sing your affirmations instead of the regular lyrics. If you’re musical, maybe you can write a song that uses your affirmations. Make a rap song about your affirmations and create a dance routine to go with it. Mind you when you have as many decades behind you as I have, dancing gets a bit stiff!

Vision Board Your Affirmations

Vision boards are powerful tools for setting out your goals. Affirmations can sometimes feel a little abstract. Using a vision board can help you come up with concrete images of what you want in your life. Look for photos that inspire you and make you feel good. You can make a physical vision board or use an internet platform like Pinterest.

Get inspired

Look around for motivational speakers and writers whose approach to life appeals to you. You can find plenty of motivational talks on the internet, on platforms like TED Talks and YouTube. Search for motivation from people you admire or those who have made their dreams come true while overcoming adversity. Two of my favourites are Make Your Bed and Denzel Washington.

It’s essential to find someone whose values and approach feel right for you. Don’t watch an influencer just because they’re popular. Check back with your affirmations to see if their themes ring true to you.

5 Things You Can Be Hopeful About Even When It Looks as if All is Lost

In April of this year I had a bad case of Covid 19. It wasn’t bad enough to put me in hospital though it got close; I had a nurse come to my apartment for 5 evenings to administer an intravenous drip and my temperature spiked at 42 Celsius, making me hallucinate. I am currently living in Baku, Azerbaijan and discovered my ‘world class medical insurance’ did not cover Covid treatment. There went a month’s salary…

I decided it was time to quit this itinerant life and head back to the UK. I’ve had a great time of the past 15 years living and working in Florida, Qatar, Abu Dhabi, China, Kazakhstan, Gran Canaria, Casablanca and Azerbaijan, plus the opportunities to travel in those areas. I now find I am heading home without a place to live or a job to go to; a scary time indeed. I dug out some of my PLR to help guide me and others over the next few months as I transition back to the UK.

Everyone has times in their life when things look grim. They might even seem to be hopeless. The world can feel like a scary place, and you feel alone in the middle of it. History has shown that even in the worst of times, people have chosen to be hopeful. If you’re finding it hard to believe that better times will come, here are five things you can hang on to.

Your Health

No matter what type of life crisis you’re going through, if you have your health, you’re wealthy. You might take it for granted, but being strong and healthy is probably your biggest asset.

Look after your body, eat well, stay fit, and be game-ready for the next opportunity.

The Sun will Rise Tomorrow

Even the worst day comes to an end, and you get a chance to do better tomorrow. Brooding over past failures is as pointless as worrying about the future. You can only deal with what is right in front of you.

Take your motto from Scarlett O’Hara and remember that tomorrow is another day.

You Are Full of Potential

Do you believe you can live your best life? Do you think you can be successful, famous, and happy? Or does it feel to you that success is only for the lucky few?

All humans are born full of potential. The only thing stopping you from meeting your potential is you. Change your mindset from self-doubt to self-confidence, and you can do whatever you set your mind to.

Learn to Look on the Bright Side

It’s highly unlikely that everything in your life will go wrong at once. Sometimes they do and that tests you through and through. As an example, I got divorced December 2014, then was forced to sell my house June 2015, then my mother died January 2016; three of the biggest life stresses in just over a year! Yet I am still here, planning the next steps and feeling positive about the future. So learn to hang onto the good things in your life and be grateful. No matter what situation you find yourself in, it could pretty much always be worse.

If you look for abundance, you will find it. Practice looking for things to be thankful for, starting with being alive right now. And remember, hard times come and hard times go. Better times are just around the corner.

Challenges Make You Stronger

If you’re down in the trough of a life crisis, remember that when you come out of the other end, you’ll be stronger and smarter than before. You will have learned things about yourself and what you’re capable of that would never have occurred to you before. And in spite of feeling crushed, you have triumphed, you made it!