Malaysian man comes up short after buying £100 penis enlarger online… but gets sent a £5 magnifying glass with warning ‘Do not use in sunlight’

A vain Malaysian man who ordered a penis enlarger online was stunned when the device was delivered – a magnifying glass!

To add insult to injury the magnifying glass came with an instruction that would at least prevent the man from causing injury to himself.

It read: Do Not Use in Sunlight.

The victim of an elaborate scam, which cost him the equivalent of £100 for a £5 magnifier has been named only as Ong, the chairman of Malaysia’s customer complaints bureau, Mr Seri Michael Chong, told The Star newspaper.

‘As you can imagine, he is feeling rather disgruntled,’ said Mr Chong.

The deflated and embarrassed customer has not come forward to reveal who he ordered the penis enlarger from.

‘The unfortunate gentleman is just one of many who have fallen victims to these kind of misleading scams,’ Mr Chong said.

‘Men and women are equally vulnerable to these scams. Three people lost a total of more than £15,000 to these scams this year alone.’

The man has refused to come forward and name the company he bought the enlarger from. Lawyers say he is unlikely to get his money back due to the dubious nature the business

Online tricksters, he said, lure their victims by selling their products at a low price and very often the items never get to their customers.

Lawyer Alex Kok said that unsatisfied customers who wished to sue online criminals would find it difficult to do so due to the dubious nature of the business.

‘It is especially hard if there is no proof of purchase, such as receipts.

‘We wouldn’t know who to sue or where and how to sue them,’ he told the paper.

Have a Great Life

I want to thank my friends at the Crack On Foundation for this one.

http://www.crackon.org

Here are four strategies to help you live an exceptional life:
 
1. CHOOSE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP – CAREFULLY.
 
Those around you always influence and have an effect on your
state-of-mind and feelings. The fact is: part of your brain models
the behavior and possibly even the thoughts of those around you.
 
Perhaps this is a good time for you to do a quick and honest
inventory of your friends, acquaintances and business associates.
 
Do they inspire and recharge you – or deplete and frustrate you?
The reality is that you may need to make some new and tough choices
about the people you surround yourself with.

 

2. MODEL EXCELLENCE.
 
Brain science studies leave no doubt that we, as humans, model and
internalize the behavior of others. So doesn’t it make sense to
model and learn from the best and the brightest? Consider taking
the time to review your goals and pinpoint your passion. What
engages you and sparks your creativity?
 
Once you have identified your passion, you can explore and seek out those
who have already successfully achieved what you wish to achieve. You
will be pleasantly surprised how much you can learn about their habits,
their thinking and how they manage their time. Professional
athletes and coaches have taken advantage of this built-in brain
skill for years by using mental practice and imagery. You can too.
 
3. BECOME AWARE OF HOW YOU SEE YOUR FUTURE UNFOLDING.
 
The same mirror neurons fire whether you perform an action or task,
watch someone else perform an action or task, or simply “imagine”
performing an action or task. This mind-bending discovery opens up
endless possibilities for you to apply your imagination. What,
specifically, do you imagine happening in your future? What are
your goals and expectations? Is your imagined future positive or
negative? Will you achieve success or succumb to failure?
 
4. APPLY YOUR IMAGINATION IN A PROACTIVE, POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE
WAY.
 
Choose one specific goal you want to accomplish. Create a
realistic, clear, emotionally-based “mental movie” or
“visualization” of your goal “as if” it has already occurred –
successfully. It is your success movie of the future that will
impact your subconscious to take the actions necessary to make it
happen. Visualize your success movie for 1-3 minutes a day for 30
days.
 
Your brain is equipped for success. Reread this article, follow
these four strategies and you will live an exceptional life.
 
~ James Mapes   http://www.JamesMapes.com

Another excerpt from “Dark Side of Uranus”

And what of Fairy Hanny?

Well it will be of no great surprise to realise that this stoic Handmaiden of the Fat King Innocent carried on regardless. She would have preferred to carry on cruising with her cousin Mutch; however she’d accept she would have to carry on camping with this bunch of retards. The swamp wood was depressing and she understood that soon they would have to carry on up the jungle in order to locate the Castle of Maurice. Her only real concern just now related to the creepy looks she sometimes got from Ken Tucky; looks that said he’d like to carry on up the Khyber.

found on the net…

Trust us! You want to read this story…

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently, I’m still lost… It’s a man thing.

More singing Fish

As our explorers heave to off the coast of Flaw Reader, we are introduced to Steven who runs a Fish and Chip shop much-loved by the Witches, Ogres and other unsavoury characters.

Steven was originally a purveyor of fine Fish in Chips in Aldeburgh, Suffolk, but due to a mishap as the Witch Iz played with her time shifting RING, he found himself transported across space-time to Uranus.

However, being a good old boy from Suffolk he decides to make the most of things, catching and selling Sole to all on sundry.

In his Epicurean Eatery he keeps a Choona Fish in a tank to keep the customers entertained.

There are times when the Choona refuses to sing, making Steven rather angry, so he batters him about a bit, at which point he croons;

“Here I am at the bottom of the Sea,

Swimming round in gallons of wee,

Then my darling can’t you see,

You’re taking the piss if you eat me!”